Back to School

Obligation, routine, and other pleasures of fall.

Photo by Balazs Busznyak on Unsplash

I’ve never really loved autumn. The red-and-yellow leaves, the chunky sweaters, the crisp air — I can see its virtues, but all I feel is a warning that winter is coming. I’m a summer baby. I like hot days and sweaty evenings, a swim in the ocean, grilled fish and ripe fruit.

But there is something about the transition from the fleshy pleasures of summer into a more contemplative, get-down-to-business feel of fall. I always loved going back to school as a child, mostly because I was a nerd, but also because after so many long, gloriously unstructured days, it felt nice to again have a task.

This fall, I’m living in a place where there is no fall at all. I’m in Nairobi, near the equator, and seasons here don’t move in the neat four-part pattern of the US and Western Europe. I did not spend most of this summer grilling fish and drinking wine and swimming in oceans; I largely spent it packing up my life in Vietnam, managing a series of personal tragedies, and eventually moving with my family back to Kenya. The salty sun-kissed summer of my dreams did not materialize this year.

But because I mostly work according to the rhythms of the United States, and Labor Day marks the end of summer, it’s spiritually fall for me now, too.

And it feels good. The past few months have been full of big changes, complex logistics, grief and stress and endless tasks. I’ve had limited time for my work, and even less for pleasure — to cook, to exercise, to see friends. Every day has been a kind of To Do List whack-a-mole. But now, my editors are back and they’re checking their inboxes. Readers of this newsletter are back and you’re opening your emails. My logistics list gets shorter every day, and I am clearing away the brain space to get back to work on the most meaningful professional project I’ve ever taken on. I am trying to return to exercise, to my yoga practice, to a body whose care I’ve neglected. It is a necessary reminder that feeling good isn’t all about sensory and immediate pleasures, although those certainly matter; it’s also about the longer work of tending to oneself, and that requires meeting one’s obligations, making time for deep engagement, and and inviting in routine and discipline (in the best of ways).

I’m curious: As the summer ends and autumn comes, how are you feeling? How is your mindset shifting? What does your body feel like it needs? What are you hoping this next season brings?

xx Jill